i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
They are going to name an STD after you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
we're so committed to being not committed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
