i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you inspire me to be a worse person
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
