yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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