He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
