How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
