I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
