So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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