batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
