Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
