Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
