During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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