God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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