That's intense
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
