I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
