Will you blow on my dice?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
