My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
