The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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