Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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