hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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