What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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