i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
