Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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