she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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