2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
