Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize