Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
