Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
