I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize