Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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