Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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