Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
