just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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