I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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