am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
