Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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