i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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