Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
if only i could text you this smell
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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