Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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