don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
