I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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