I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
