She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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