Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize