Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
