wanna go halves on a baby?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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