that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
