Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
