my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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