I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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