I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
