Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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