So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
