WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
