I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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