remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Life is so much better after having sex.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
