Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Still dying that you shit outside
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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