If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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