Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
