So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
