Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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