dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Randomize