I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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