he told me I talked like a deaf person
Did I show you my penis last night?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
