It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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