I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
