she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
