foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
