when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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